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| I finally got a chance to get online. Sorry for not writing a while but I either didn't feel like it [I think you best know how it is: when you feel the same all the time it's just boring to write it over and over again prooving yourself it's the truth], or didn't have the time. I think I'm getting a bit straighter [as long as a thing as crooked as me can be any straighter]
Yesterday was a good day in 90%. I was to tired in the morning and didn't go to school for the first... 3 lessons. When I finally reached the place I was quite proud of my self, after all I skipped breakfast and was going to skip lunch. I was doin great.
Unfortunately in the evening me and a couple of my friends went out and they bought a pizza ;( I had a peace and right after that ran 2 the bathroom and got ride of it. I love, I totally adore that feeling: freshness and lightness.
I got home about 2 or 3. Mother yelled I guess, but I didn't even notice. I just plopped myself to bed.
A few days ago I foung KoRn's cd in my locker. I didn't listen to KoRn for a pretty while. But I found a song which used to be my favourite I guess, and I found out i'ts just perfect when it comes to my recent situation - Freak on a Leash
Something takes a part of me.
Something lost and never seen.
Every time I start to believe,
Something's raped and taken from me... from me.
Life's got to always be messing with me. (You wanna see the light)
Can't they chill and let me be free? (So do I)
Can't I take away all this pain. (You wanna see the light)
I try to every night, all in vain... in vain.
Sometimes I cannot take this place.
Sometimes it's my life I can't taste.
Sometimes I cannot feel my face.
You'll never see me fall from grace
Something takes a part of me.
You and I were meant to be.
A cheap fuck for me to lay
Something takes a part of me.
Feeling like a freak on a leash. (You wanna see the light)
Feeling like I have no release. (So do I)
How many times have I felt diseased? (You wanna see the light)
Nothing in my life is free... is free
Chorus
Boom na da mmm dum na ema
Da boom na da mmm dum na ema
GO! something on the
So...fight! something on the...
Fight...some things they fight
So...something on the...
Fight...some things they fight
Fight...something of the...
No...some things they fight
Fight...something of the...
Fight...some things they fight
Chorus
Part of me...
Oh...
I gotta go now. Thx for your commentz. You guys are awsome ♥ | | |
| living for you so you can hide...
[breakdown] | | |
| Now playing: System Of A Down «ATWA»
I feel so worthless again. And, what suprised me, guilty. I hardly ever feel so, I just thought that I got ride of every human feeling for other people in my sick mind. I guess there are still some of them hidden in the back of my head, covered with dust, but alive.
So it's all about my mother.
Well, today my family decided to make a cheerful family breakfast in the kitchen (what I find sick since we are no happy family, but whatever) and I was called out to come downstairs and eat with them. I got really pissed instantly, cuz I was doing so well yesterday and didn't wanna mess it up today...but there came up my mother asking me why wasn't I coming to eat breakfast (on the way, of course, she had to mention the mess in my room, although it's smaller than last week) and trying to lure me with scrambled eggs with bacon (omg, I could smell them in my room)... And what did I do?! Couldn't be better! I went to the kitchen! What more, I've eaten a tost with jam. Mother asked why wasn't I eating the bacon, and what was going on with me lately ('sweetie, why are you so upset about everything? what's going on?') what turned me into a volcano... yes, I yelled though I didn't really have a reason and left to the bathroom. I took a short shower, got ride of the tost and brushed my teeth. When I was heading to my room I heard my mother cry in her room.
I felt so bad.
I'm such a whore. She's trying her best to help me someway and all I do is give her pain. I'm the worse child in the world. I bet she regrets she ever gave birth to me.
I left the house for a while after that. I jogged. Jogging always makes me feel much better.
I'm thinking about singing up to a ballet class in my town. It's amazing, to have the moves of a butterfly and look like an angel. I remember it was something fascinating for me since childhood. What do you think?
Thx for the cmmts. You guys r sweet ♥
Suzie | | |
| Whoever reads this: if you are against pro-ana things please leave. Don't leave me mean comments, cuz it will be simply dumb. I won't care anyways, so why losing your time here if you can do something else?
Who is pro: welcome to my world ♥
I opened this yournal beacause I couldn't bear my problems anymore on my owno. I really hope that someone who reads this and feels the same will just simply write me a worm word or two. It's really comforting, such a thing, though it migh sound stupid, cuz' i hardly even know you. Anyways, welcome to my crackbrained world.
My name is Suzie, I am 16 years old. I had my birthday just a few days ago and don't feel better knowing that another year of a pathetic struggle has passed me by.I think it was just a year ago when I started to write a diary in a notebook, hoping, that someday the things I write will change. But, of course, I was wrong. I can even risk a statement that it even got worse. But I think that's enough bout stupid moi.
Today I woke up reeeeeeealy early. The funny thing was that when I rolled myself to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee to swallow some miraculous caffeine I met my mother with a plate of grilled cheese sandwiches. Oh gawd, they smelled so gorgous that my knees got soft. But when looking at them I noticed just a bucket of fat. Gross. [Isn't it funny, I've always loved grilled cheese...]
Mother asked me wether I wanted one, but, though my stomach was desperatly tryming to call out for one, I just said "noway, I don't eat this stuff at six am". Mother just looked at me and left. I was about to melt to the floor, but just grabbed the cup and left.
I think it's time for me to get to work. It's a gorgous Saturday and I have a lot of stuff to do, starting of with some exercise.
Suzie
Plz cmmnt ♥ | | |
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