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I feel so worthless again. And, what suprised me, guilty. I hardly ever feel so, I just thought that I got ride of every human feeling for other people in my sick mind. I guess there are still some of them hidden in the back of my head, covered with dust, but alive.
So it's all about my mother.
Well, today my family decided to make a cheerful family breakfast in the kitchen (what I find sick since we are no happy family, but whatever) and I was called out to come downstairs and eat with them. I got really pissed instantly, cuz I was doing so well yesterday and didn't wanna mess it up today...but there came up my mother asking me why wasn't I coming to eat breakfast (on the way, of course, she had to mention the mess in my room, although it's smaller than last week) and trying to lure me with scrambled eggs with bacon (omg, I could smell them in my room)... And what did I do?! Couldn't be better! I went to the kitchen! What more, I've eaten a tost with jam. Mother asked why wasn't I eating the bacon, and what was going on with me lately ('sweetie, why are you so upset about everything? what's going on?') what turned me into a volcano... yes, I yelled though I didn't really have a reason and left to the bathroom. I took a short shower, got ride of the tost and brushed my teeth. When I was heading to my room I heard my mother cry in her room.
I felt so bad.
I'm such a whore. She's trying her best to help me someway and all I do is give her pain. I'm the worse child in the world. I bet she regrets she ever gave birth to me.
I left the house for a while after that. I jogged. Jogging always makes me feel much better.
I'm thinking about singing up to a ballet class in my town. It's amazing, to have the moves of a butterfly and look like an angel. I remember it was something fascinating for me since childhood. What do you think?
Thx for the cmmts. You guys r sweet ♥
Suzie |
| | Posted 11/20/2005 4:01 PM - 1 View - 4 eProps - 2 comments
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